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Some wounds cut deeper than we ever expect — and sometimes, those wounds come from the people we once believed were safest. If you’re walking through the pain of a narcissistic family, wrestling with what God might want you to do, I want you to hear this first: you are not alone, and you are not “less Christian” for struggling.
I spent years trying to make things better. I prayed, I reached out, I tried to be what they needed, hoping something would change. Instead, I ran myself ragged and felt further from God and myself. Family hurt is messy, confusing, and so often laced with guilt — especially when we’re told that honoring family means accepting any behavior, no matter the cost to our own soul.
But there’s a piece of truth that I wish I had believed sooner: God sees you right where you are, and He cares more about your heart than about keeping up appearances. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” You don’t have to keep exposing yourself to mistreatment for God to be proud of you. Sometimes faith isn’t just staying in the fire—it’s trusting God to lead you out, step by step.
When you have a narcissistic family, it can feel like there are no good choices—only a menu of difficult ones. But with prayer and God’s guidance, you do have options. Each one takes courage. Each one requires wisdom. Most importantly, each one has God walking through it with you.
The Three Choices
1. Staying and Enduring
Some people, for different reasons, feel called or forced to stay connected, even with the mistreatment and manipulation. If this is your reality, know that you are not weak. You are choosing the bravest love, the kind that sets boundaries inside well-worn paths. This might look like guarding your heart, limiting what you share, or refusing to internalize the hurtful things said or done. God can give endurance for this road, and it’s okay to ask Him for strength, again and again. Remember Psalm 46:1: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”
2. Partial No Contact — Boundaries
For others, the best middle path is partial no contact. This means intentionally drawing lines—deciding when and how often you interact, what subjects or events you’ll participate in, and what behaviors you will or won’t tolerate. It’s not cold, it’s actually wise. Proverbs 4:23 tells us to “guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Having clear boundaries isn’t ungodly. It’s living in the freedom God wants for His children.
3. Complete No Contact — Choosing Healing
Sometimes, the healthiest and most God-honoring decision is to step all the way out. To say, “For my soul, my safety, and my walk with God, I have to close this door for now.” It’s a terrifying choice, but also a freeing one. If you’re here, grieving is normal. So is relief. Let yourself feel both. And trust what Psalm 147:3 promises: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” God will not abandon you. He never asks you to keep company with those who delight in wounding you.
Let’s Talk About Guilt and “Honor”
So much of the pain in these decisions comes from guilt, especially when people throw “honor your father and mother” at you like a weapon (Exodus 20:12). But honoring doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or pretending away sin. Sometimes, honoring means lovingly and firmly saying no, or even walking away. Ephesians 4:15 says we are to “speak the truth in love.” Jesus Himself sometimes withdrew from people who meant harm (Luke 4:28-30). There is wisdom, not just mercy, in God’s heart for you.
How Prayer and God’s Guidance Help
I am not wise enough to tell anyone which path to take. But I believe with all my being that God gives wisdom to everyone who asks (James 1:5). Each step, He meets us there. He doesn’t rush the process. Sometimes all you can pray is “God, help.” That’s enough. He understands even prayers with no words.
Seek out good support—counselors who understand trauma and faith, friends who want to listen, not just fix, and spiritual leaders who know how to comfort the weary without condemnation.
A Blessing for the Wounded
If no one’s ever said this to you, let me be the first: Your story matters. Your well-being matters. You are not less faithful for protecting the person God has made you to be.
Whether you stay, draw boundaries, or walk away, may you know God’s deep delight in you. May you feel His closeness and comfort. May peace, wisdom, and healing be yours in greater measure than you can imagine.
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:24-26)
If you’re struggling or need prayer, feel free to reach out. You don’t have to do this walk alone.